The sun is shining

Good Morning All

Well the sun is shining and it looks like it will be a lovely day.

Had a few friends round last night (vodka and pizza) so I'm feeling a bit worse for wear this morning. I really shouldn't drink. I don't very often have vodka and it always makes me a bit silly. 

So there I was at midnight saying goodnight to everyone when I realised that they should have been the ones going and not me, so why was I the one outside? Like I said a bit silly. Anyway by the time we had all stopped laughing they decided it was time to go. 2 hours later I have the house to myself again. Thought I would leave the dishes for morning and go to bed. Memo to self. Bed is in bedroom not in lounge. I woke up at 6am from a lovely dream to find myself on the sofa. Maybe I'll sleep there more often as it was really comfy.

Anyway about the dream. Probably the same one we all have sometimes. There I was checking the lottery when I realised I had won. No not the millions, but 330,000 pounds. Enough for me. Now I can book that round the world cruise I have been promising myself for ages. Start shopping for nice clothes to wear................. then blast .................I woke up. Well it was good while it lasted. Then I realised I don't even do the lottery so no chance of winning there. Memo to self.............do the lottery tonight, you never know................

Will be off to the shops later so what do I want for dinner? I do get so tired of trying to plan meals. It was so much easier when I could do all the cooking, but ready meals are a real pain. However without them I would probably starve. Might just send out for a takeaway. No drink though because 
1. I can't afford it and 
2. It makes me silly.

Just heard that there are going to be more Star Wars films. Maybe I will have a Star Wars marathon this weekend and watch all 6 episodes on DVD or should I watch all the Fast and Furious as the new one will be in cinema in May? There we go again with the decisions. When did I become so indecisive? Like everything else it just crept up on me. Talking of creeping up on you I can see you............horrible little spider...........just wait until you get closer then it's curtains for you. I will feel guilty though if I do that. Mum always said that if you kill a spider you will make it rain and I can't be responsible for making the sunshine go away. On the other hand it rains most of the time, so someone else must be doing all the spider killing.

I hate weekends. Not much happens and apart from going to Mums on Sunday I probably won't see anyone unless monkey face decides to honour me with her presence. Ah I hear you asking who is monkey face (not her real name but what I call her)? Well she is the lovely nearly 7 year old daughter of my friend and neighbour. Okay so she does have a proper name Morgan. Anyway she quite often decides to pop in to see me. I think she thinks I am her third granny. She always makes me laugh and is such good company I hope she comes over. She entertains me with stories of what she has been doing. Usually Karate classes and Dance competitions. She looks like a little fairy, but packs a powerful punch. I think she mainly comes for the ice cream she always wheedles out of me. Anyway I expect she will be coming to tell me that it is her birthday next Friday. She will just drop it into the conversation as if it isn't important, but I will know that she is really saying "don't forget because I want a present". Aren't kids wonderful. My biggest regret in life is that I don't have any.

Well I suppose I'd better start getting ready to go out as Ring and Ride will be collecting me at 12. Such a joy to be manhandled into the vehicle and dumped at the supermarket. Well at least I have made a few friends there and we all shop at the same time on Friday so will have lunch in the restaurant before being collected again to go home. Such excitement.

Have a good weekend and will speak again soon.

the first day of the rest of my life.

Woke up feeling more positive this morning. I mean life is too short to waste it worrying. Whatever will be will be.

Sad news this morning about the tragedy in Wako Texas. My thoughts are with them and I realise how lucky I am.

Listening to the radio and just had a full hour of 1971 hits. Fantastic. It really is good to remember all the good times I had back then. Karen Carpenter singing now and it is so good to listen to her very pure voice.

Think I am waffling a bit.

Well I am trying to do something positive about my future. I mean there has to be someone out there that will love to have an experienced Accountant working for them. I know I haven't been able to work for 13 years because of disability, but maybe with the right help and support I can return to the workplace and contribute something positive. I do have another year before retirement so someone please give me a chance.

I have updated CV and it looks a bit sad for recent years, so need to beef it up a bit. Maybe mention the campaigning I have been doing for the disabled and all the fighting I have been doing just to survive. Surely life experience has to count for something? Will have a long think on this one.

I think I will stir myself and go for a swim this afternoon. Exercise is good and helps release the endorphins, so it should raise my spirits even more. Oh for the days when I was able to play squash and tennis. I was once so fit and active and now feel like a different person, but I will not let it spoil this good day.

Just remembering that if I hadn't lost Dad, he would have been 100 on the 28th of this month. Luckily Mum's still with us, but she will be 95 in May. What do you buy for a 95 yr old? She has everything she needs (or so she tells me). Maybe will take her out for a meal because she always enjoys that. More thinking to do. I think I may get a migraine from all this thinking...................positive thoughts................positive thoughts. That's right I mustn't go down that route. If I can think positively I should be able to act positively.  Please no jokes about being positive that things will go wrong.

I hope everyone is having a good day. Will be back later.

Wide eyed and bushy tailed?

Well I feel a bit more human now so thought I would just pop on here and say Hi.

At least the radio hasn't been full of all the nonsense that is happening in London. I don't think I would have been able to cope with that. I just hope we can now get back to the important things in life. 

I have been reading a lot recently about the Welfare Reforms and can't help wondering how this Government can sleep at night. Do they not realise that people are suffering. By people I mean the sick and disabled not the LTB's like me. I mean how can I suffer? I won't have any money for food, my house will probably be repossessed and I won't have any money to get out of the house even to the Doctor's. But as I am a LTB I must have brought it on myself. Just not sure when I changed from being a hardworking taxpayer.
Maybe it was when I was involved in a serious car accident which left me in a wheelchair for 2 years? Maybe it was when I was diagnosed with cancer and had to endure months of treatment before I was given the all clear? Or maybe it was when all the other things got too much and I found walking and caring for myself a real problem? Whenever it was, it just kind of crept up on me and now I am being victimised for it.

I wonder if the descrimination act covers for this kind of thing as I am sure that as the Welfare Reforms are aimed at the more vulnerable in Society, then we can safely say that they are the victims of discrimination.

Well I think I'll put the kettle on and ponder for a while.

Speak again soon.

Ding Dong

Well it's 9.20am and all I have to look forward today is the funeral of our beloved ex Fuhrer. Sorry slip of the tongue there meant to say the evil witch that started the rot in this once proud country. Anyway enough about that. I really will be very happy when it is all over.

After yesterdays foray into the outside world I am absolutely shattered so don't think I will bother getting dressed today.

I've had an epiphany!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe if I was to forget my problems, then the ATOS miraculous recovery would kick in. 

Off to have some brekkie. (Cereal again as it's the only thing I can make in safety)

Will be back later and hopefully will be awake and making some sense.

Today I woke up to the facts of being an LTB

Well today I woke and fully understood what being an LTB really means.

I got up at 5am so that I had 3 hours to get washed and dressed, then another hour to make my breakfast of cereal and eat it.

9am already and I only have 2 hours to get the mile to the hospital.

11am Well I made it but I am exhausted. This COPD and bloody athritis really take the p**ss out of me. Talking of which I suppose I'd better find the Loo as I haven't been for at least 30 mins.

11.45am Still waiting to go in for my appointment. God I am in so much pain. Ah well will just have to sit/stand here for a while longer.

12.30am Finally called in for my 11am appointment. Specialist says "I see that you need a new knee and 2 new hips. How does that affect your everyday life?" Well let me see................. I can't walk very far and it hurts like hell. I can't stand or sit for any length of time and the pain is unbearable most of the time, but don't worry I have been told by ATOS that I am fit for work, so I'm sure the miracle will kick in soon and I won't need the op.

Specialist said "Oh dear. I have heard about these uncaring people that perform miracles on the sick and disabled, but in my experience miracles rarely happen" He then proceeded to tell me that I definitely wouldn't be a recipient as because of my other health problems I would not be suitable for surgery. He also pointed out that as the NHS was most definitely about to be privatised, then I would probably be able to have it done privately. Excuse me (I said) but if I am not well enough to have the op on the national health, then how would I be well enough to pay for it? Ah there in lies the rub he said. Anything can happen if you are prepared to pay for it. I did pay for it (I said) I paid for it with all the taxes and NI I paid into the system over the years and my parents, who fought for this country, paid for it with their blood and sweat, and yes they also paid tax and NI. Not the same thing he said. That would mean the taxpayer would be paying for it and you are not one of them anymore. In fact in government guidelines you are an LTB (Lying Thieving Bastard).

Well knock me down with a feather. I've got a title.

3 hours later I was deposited back home by the ambulance and felt too deflated to do anything but sit and write this.

I hope I feel better tomorrow, but I doubt it. 

Forgot to mention I am waiting to hear if I will be allowed to appeal the decision by DWP to place me in the WRAG before they stop paying me on 30th May because I have had payments for 365 days now.  Obviously the ATOS miraculous recovery didn't work for me then. Is that the amount of time they allow for it to kick in?

Will let you know tomorrow if anything has changed.